Embodiment of asphyxia

First chapter: Memorabilia

I’m sitting on a bus that’s going upwards. The silence is bothering me, so I’m trying to fill it with every memory I have of him.

He’d often monologue about past events, or how he felt when thinking about the past. Being nostalgic is understandable, but sometimes he went to weird extremes. His sentiment towards the river was very concerning.

I remember those nights too. I can’t believe the things he did. It might have been out of negligence, but that is no excuse for the damage he caused. I should’ve done something about it, but I didn’t have the courage.

!

This is my stop.

I get out and start walking towards my destination.

My thougths continue their flow.

Stress.

I remember stress – the stress which is constant and inducts total panic.

One which makes you lean over the hole and try to throw yourself out.

It grabs you by the neck and chokes you.

I’m not sure this memory is of him.

...

Oh. I arrived.

...

Is that really everything?

...

I place a flower, light a candle and leave.

I won’t be back here.

Second chapter: Superposition

The first memory I have of this life is of floating in zero gravity. I was moving so slow that I could barely notice it. Aeons were passing in front of my eyes, and all that time I spent thinking.

„Which choice is the right one?“

I was situated in complete chaos but at the same time in stagnant peace. I was situated in a place I considered right, but at the same time I felt wrong. I was situated between nadir and zenith, but I didn’t know which one’s in which direction.

This limbo was my womb. I was born from it.

Cutting off its eternal flux, limbo slowly started breaking down. Crimson started to flow into the blue-green world I was used to. In these final moments in the interworld I finally accepted what I’ve always known: the cat was dead before we even put it into the box. There wasn’t a choice to begin with. With that in conclusion I place my foot on solid ground, after such a long time.

This is my triumph and my manifesto.

This is merely a prolouge for the cataclysm that's coming.